Steelers quarterback Big Ben Roethlisberger will marry Ashley Harlan this Saturday in what is already being touted as Pittsburgh's royal wedding. Here's what to expect:
- Roethlisberger reads his vows off his wristband
- Bride's family gives witness statements to police outside the church
- All 500 guests are truly touched by the bride and groom and maid of honor?s first triple-kiss
- Speech from the maid of honor basically a last-ditch plea for rational thought
- First extramarital affair occurs two hours into the reception under table 17
- Best man speech bombs, as it is just a horrifying account of groom's previous assaults
- After the cake-cutting, everyone overhears Roethlisberger telling his new wife, ?I want to smear this all over your tits?
- An extremely awkward silence occurs when Steelers owner Dan Rooney insists there be at least one African-American woman in the crowd waiting to catch the bouquet
Source: http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/theonion/warforthewhitehouse/~3/52UscNZe91Q/
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